We’re sat at a table in a restaurant, crowded with students. All drinking beer, laughing about silly jokes and having a good time. The air is thick with smoke. The lights are dark. Someone from my group turns to me and starts a conversation. We haven’t spoken in a few weeks and they know I plan on finishing my studies soon. He looks me in the eye and asks the question I dread most. “Do you already know what you’re going to do after your bachelor’s degree“.
My heart starts racing. My palms are sweaty. I instantly feel the familiar lump in my throat. All I want to do is run or vanish into the grounds. This question somehow always gets me. Because I have abso-bloody-lutely no idea what I’m doing with my life. At the moment I feel like I’m stuck in this black hole that keeps sucking me into deeper and deeper every day. I do not know what I want to do with my life. Do I want to go abroad, like I would love to but definitely cannot afford? Or do I stay and get a job to finally settle down. Do I go back to my hometown or do I stay in Graz? Do I do a master’s degree on top of my Bachelor or try to find a job first?
It seems like everyone I talk to, has a different opinion on what I should do with my life. I know they only want the best for me. But their expectations only make that intense weight on my shoulders even more unbearable than it already is.
I’m deeply stuck in this place of utter confusion. Struggling with my life. Struggling with what I should do and want to do in the midst of the craziest and busiest uni semester of my entire life. It’s expected of me to perform well in university, give my all when it comes to work and still have a fantastic social life. All that, while knowing exactly where to go with my life and leaving this 20-something struggle behind.
But the thing is.
I’m only in my early twenties. I do not need to have my whole life figured out already.
I do have all the time in the world left to figure out what I want to do. I can still follow my dreams if I want to. I think there is this widespread notion nowadays that we all need to be super successful at a very young age. There’s no room for trial and error. You’re supposed to be the next Steve Jobs at 19. The next Chiara Ferragni at 20. But you know what… Fuck that!
There’s plenty of room for all of us to fulfill our dreams. Be it now or in 20 years. You do not need to have all your life figured out at the age of 23. Nor at the age of 27. We are all just giving our best, finding our place in this world. Being as happy as we can. Nobodies perfect and I shouldn’t feel obliged to follow this stupid set of rules set out by who knows who.