October 2020

There are always ebbs and flows in relationships and for us we never lingered too long in the mundane but that all changed at the end of the year.  Our oldest was at college and our youngest split his time every other week at his dads. However, right before Christmas our son returned from college for winter break and his girlfriend from Brazil joined him.  We had a house full of people for about 6 weeks with little privacy. 

We also did not plan any surprise dates for each other.  We were busy with family, friends and preparing for the holidays.  How could this happen?  We’re date planners, this is what we do.  Well it even happened to us and last week as we fell into bed exhausted Marty said “I think we’re in a rut.”  I sighed and knew he was right.  We were beginning to feel more like roommates and business partners than lovers.  So did our family cause this?  Of course not, we take full responsibility for allowing our relationship to fall on the back burner.  We’re human and we made the mistake of giving our relationship scraps instead of our full attention.

The good news is we are aware and know how to remedy the situation.  We need to have more fun ALONE  together.  We have two Surprise Dates or FFR’s as we like to call them planned in the coming weeks.  One is even a weekend getaway. 

We couldn’t just sit around and wait for the dates to happen, we knew we needed to do something immediately.  We both jumped into action and started sending each other saucy text messages and cute quotes about relationships.  It was important to text each other sexy selfies too.

We also invited each other in clever ways for private rendezvous in our bedroom since it was the only place we could be alone in the house.   We turned the music up and made out like teenagers.

The point being that when life takes a toll it’s easy to put your relationship on the back burner, especially when you’re mentally and physically exhausted.  Know it’s just as easy to get out of your relationship rut if you take action quickly. 

Have you ever daydreamed about having a “magic wand” that you could just wave about and have people do exactly what you want?

I’m guessing that like most of us, having access to such a wand would make life significantly simpler and less stressful especially in our intimate relationships.

That being said, a bit of the proverbial good news/bad news is applicable let’s start with the not so good news that you already know…

The sad unmistakable truth is that a magic wand has yet to be developed and is still only relegated to make believe and fairy tales.

The good news is that we have a few steps that can assist in bridging the communication gap when conflict arises and poses enormous challenges between you and your partner.

Just in the manner that a magic wand will never exist, no intimate relationship will ever be immune to conflict.  We know from our own experience that “pain is inevitable and suffering is optional” as Japanese writer, Haruki Murakami so aptly proclaims.

Let’s examine the 4 Steps and see where they can be incorporated into your relationship today.

Step 1.  Take A Pause for the Cause… Your Relationship. Dana often reminds me of the “pause” that separates us as humans from our friends in the animal kingdom.  Simply put, we have the unique characteristic to take a personal time out before reacting.  This is especially true in our intimate relationships when it’s easy to sometimes let our emotions get the best of us.  All of us are guilty of reacting to something said or done and then immediately lashing out and making hurtful emotionally charged statements that are not always easy to take back.

The “Pause” whether just a moment, an hour, or a day provides the opportunity to allow the initial energy of the situation or comments subside in order to gather your thoughts and then respond from a place of peace instead of conflict.

Step 2.  Let go of being right and choose being happy.  This is one of the most simplistic in theory and yet one of the most challenging to actually adopt into our daily lives.  We instinctively know that no one is perfect and yet we sometimes hold ourselves and our partners to this unrealistic ideal that’s simply never attainable.  It’s this attachment to perfection that causes immeasurable and needless suffering.  This step is certainly not about sweeping relationship challenges under the rug or remaining silent until the “final straw” that breaks the proverbial camels back has occurred.  Instead, it’s finding the gratitude and gift in any given situation and where we accept the lesson that resides to finally be addressed fully and learned.  More often than not, miscommunication is the real culprit when conflict arises between couples.  This is where clarity and context can more times than not begin to solve whatever issues have arisen.

Step 3.  Know you and your partners Love Style.  We highly recommend Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages Quiz.  We’ve added this to our annual Relationship Check-Up conversation and are ardent believers of the power of knowing your love style and that of your partner.  It’s this knowing that provides access to proactive behaviors that a couple can incorporate into their daily lives that reduces relationship conflict before it even starts.

Step 4.  Learn the Art of Conversation.  We are not born communicators.  Communication is a learned skill and as the Dalai Lama points out, “Dialogue is the most effective way of resolving conflict.”  The key is understanding that dialogue is synonymous with “conversation” and not necessarily communication.  The two are often thought to be the same but they are radically different.  Communication is often our “telling” someone what we think.  In relation to conflict, this can often place the one receiving the telling into flight or fight mode.  Conversation on the other hand takes the importance of “listening” first and responding second.  It’s the exchange of words between a couple from a non-threatening and non-confrontational standpoint that allows for healthy dialogue to replace defensive posturing.

In the end, all of us desire to be heard and acknowledged.  Intimacy requires remarkable trust that we earn when our words and actions are congruent.  When we show up for our partner in not just the big ways, but in the small ones that often are more powerful and lasting.

Conflict can certainly be avoided by following these steps but can never be eliminated nor should it be from our intimate relationships.  Conflict can pose a healthy tension for “stability” and “desire” to cohabitate in our relationships when framed properly.

Follow the 4 Steps and turn conflict into conversation to open a new doorway into greater intimacy to further connect and enhance your relationship.

 I recently visited YouTube and a Brené Brown video caught my attention.  If you’re not familiar with Dr. Brown, she is best known for her work on Shame and Vulnerability.  The title of the video, “The Anatomy of Trust” captivated me to watch and I’m so glad that I did.

Disappointment is one of the most challenging feelings we encounter in life.  Being human and in relationship with each other, it’s inevitable that we’ll either disappoint our partner or be disappointed by them when we’re attached to a certain outcome.

The true test for a couple is determining if you’ve built a strong foundation of trust that allows your relationship to withstand and survive when one of you falters.

Brené uses the acronym BRAVING to describe Trust as we are “braving” connection when we trust others and ourselves.

B – Boundaries – Are your boundaries clear and do you respect my boundaries?

R – Reliability – Are you reliable?  I can trust you if you do what you say you are going to do on a consistent basis.

A – Accountability – Can you own your mistakes, apologize and make amends?

V – Vault – Will you hold in confidence what I share with you?  Additionally, it’s vitally important for me to keep what you share confident and not allow gossip to spread.

I – Integrity – Brene’s definition of Integrity – “To have courage over comfort, choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast and easy, practicing your values not just professing them… in non-judgment.”

N – Non Judgment – Can you ask for and accept help when you need it?  Can you help others and be there for them when they need you?

G – Generosity – Can you share generously how you felt when someone has wronged you?

She refers to relationship expert John Gottman who states that trust is built in the smallest of moments.  Can I count on you to be there for me?

Ultimately, trust in relationship comes down to doing the “little things” that matter for our partner and us every day that fills up the Love Bank Account.  If your account has consistent deposits it will deepen your relationship built on a foundation of trust.

You can see the full video below.

Let us know what you and your partner do to build trust in your relationship so that we can share with our community in a future blog.

Esther Perel says that we need two things in relationships: stability — knowing your partner has your back, and desire.

Unfortunately, stability kills desire. Conversely, what creates desire? Risk.

In the beginning of a relationship, we have plenty of risk. What if you get your heart broken, what if the other person doesn’t like you as much as you like them? Is this the one? Are you wasting your time?

There is the thrill of the chase in the beginning stages of romance. It’s exciting and creates the butterflies, the intoxicating feeling of love. Love conquers all.

This new love high usually lasts 1to 2 years and then we settle in and become comfortable in the stability of the relationship.

While the stability is important and imperative to the success of a relationship, it’s not very exciting. We have a home to take care of and bills to pay. This isn’t the sexy side of being in relationship. We may not always agree on things which can cause additional stress and strain on the relationship too.

Is It Normal to Be Bored in a Relationship?

It’s completely normal to become bored at some point in your relationship and it’s not your fault.

We work hard to find the one. The person who completes us, then what? We live happily ever after in a blissful state of union of course. This is what we’ve learned from fairytales and Hollywood. Most of us were never taught how to maintain a relationship nor did we have great role models to show how to keep the romance and passion alive.

Unfortunately, this stuff isn’t taught in school and most of us didn’t receive a reference book for guidance. Although it probably should be with divorce rates in the US still hovering around 50%.

Why Do Relationships Get Boring and Lose Their Luster After Time?

In the beginning of a relationship, many times we put forth so much effort to woo our potential partner; planning activities, experiences and even surprises for one another. We go to dinner and talk for hours because we have so much to share and learn about one another. We have engaging conversations about everything, inhaling and soaking in the essence of one another.

Then life happens. We settle into our daily life and routines, maybe throw in a couple of kids and the busyness of life allows us to easily put our most important relationship on the back burner.

Date nights are now relegated to dinner and a movie if we make it out of the house at all. I get it, you’ve worked hard all week and planning a date night probably seems overwhelming and putting on your pj’s ordering take out and watching Netflix seems like the path of least resistance.

When the word date or dating is mentioned, most people conjure up images of single people who are dating and looking for that special someone. Rarely do we as a society think beyond to the fact that we should never stop dating our spouse or long-term partner.

The reason many relationships become routine and boring is that couples stop dating each other. It’s as simple as that.

Giving your relationship scraps of time can lead to its demise. In the beginning of a relationship, it’s very easy to be intentional but over time if you don’t pay attention to it, it’s easy to get into a relationship rut.

How Long Does It Take for a Relationship to Become Boring?

We’ve all heard of the 7-year-itch. The estimated time when the happiness of a couple diminishes.

Every couple is different and it really boils down to how exciting you keep your relationship. If you quickly get into a relationship rut of doing the same boring things, you will become bored with your relationship more quickly. However, if you are committed to avoid falling into this routine and are intentional about keeping the desire alive in your relationship, you can avoid becoming bored for the most part.

Relationships do have ebbs and flows and of course, there are times your relationship will be more interesting. The problem arises when your relationship becomes stale for long periods of time.

In most relationship studies, romantic love dwindles over time and we lose the butterflies we once had in the beginning. In a relationship study conducted by Dr. Arthur Aron at the University of New York at Stony Brook, it was determined that novelty or trying new things can create the chemical surges of courtship and can significantly increase the satisfaction in relationship when practiced consistently.^[1]

Life can be messy and even great relationships can become stale and boring at times; this is absolutely normal. You won’t be at risk of abandoning your relationship if you’re aware of this and have a plan to get out of your rut when you see this happening.

What to Do If You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling

Plan a date of course! I’m a fan of surprise dates. In fact, I recommend this to my clients. Commit to plan one surprise date for your partner every month and have them plan one surprise date for you each month.

Preferably an interactive or doing date. Then when you grab a bite to eat, you’ll have something to talk about, the new experience you just created together.

When is the last time you really had a great conversation? A conversation that doesn’t involve talking about work or the kids?

When you share a novel experience, this gives you something new to talk about after your date. It’s great to print out a few questions to take on your date. You can find some great ones on the web or another option is TABLETOPICS Couples: Questions to Start Great Conversations if you need more inspiration.

You can keep it light with something like “If you had a super power what would it be?” to something a little deeper such as “If today were the last time we saw each other what would you want me to know?” These probing questions provide greater insight and awareness into your partner and them of you.

The great thing about taking turns planning dates for each other is that you eliminate the age-old question, “What do you want to do tonight?” which is usually followed by, “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” Then after debating for 45 minutes, you may end up doing nothing.

This is the secret sauce of the surprise date. Just tell your date when to be ready and what to wear and there’s no debate or resistance. No shooting down your date ideas. Just the addition of novelty and doing something different together to increase connection and romance.

Once a month, you get to give the gift of adventure and surprise and once a month, you get to sit back, relax and enjoy the date.

If you’re on a budget, no problem. There are numerous free date ideas. Some of my favorites are building a tent over your bed, a scavenger hunt, or dance lessons using free YouTube videos.

If you’re still craving more date night inspiration check out 32 Cheap and Uniquely Fun Date Ideas for Couples, it’s filled with date ideas you can do on any budget.

Final Thoughts

When your relationship becomes stale, you may feel like the solution is to find a new one that’s more exciting, which is the easy way, but it’s only a temporary fix.

If you continue with your same patterns in your new relationship, you’re bound to end up in the same predicament months or years later.

While relationships take effort, they are so rewarding when you are in a good one. My hope is that you create an amazing relationship, and that you never settle for one that’s just good enough.

Innovation in relationship is the key to avoiding boredom, and ensuring that you have a relationship that will go the distance and last a lifetime.

One of my favorite quotes by Tony Robins is,

“If you do what you did in the beginning of the relationship there won’t be an end.”

Create the relationship of your dreams by being intentional about adding novelty and surprise through interactive date nights. You’ll be happy you did!

This Post was originally posted on Life Hack

There are a variety of challenges that many couples face, as we are constantly bombarded by both individuals and couples “living their best life” on social media. Be it celebrities, influencers or accounts that are all about #goals, we can paint a picture in our minds about the great lives other people have and how our own does not level up. When this is combined with the responsibilities in our personal and professional lives, we are lucky to navigate life without crumbling from the demands.

Most of us are aware of the concept of self-care. It is a necessary practice for people to show up as the best version of ourselves and for those around us. Far too often, we neglect our own wellbeing. Whether we are serving people at work, our friends or loved ones, we consistently stretch ourselves to the max. Every now and then, it is even past our breaking point. We are left with the feeling of depletion and our relationships suffer.

Relationships demand and deserve much more than the scraps we give to our significant other at the end of the day. When children are added to the mix, the complexity of relationship maintenance is stretched even further.  Couple-care can pick up where self-care leaves off in our intimate relationships. In order to be successful, the idea requires active participation by both people. By focusing efforts on the partnership, your connection will strengthen, communication will improve and romance will re-spark.

Couple-care does not require grand gestures, it’s about finding the ways you and your partner can go the distance while still enjoying each other’s company and having fun along the way. Here are three couple-care tips you can bring to your relationship immediately:

Tip 1: Know and Practice Your Love Language Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages Quiz is the first step in practicing couple-care. By knowing how you and your partner give and receive love, you are able to consciously demonstrate and engage those specific style elements. When a couple consistently provides love to each other in a way that is communicated accordingly, the connection and romance is considerably enriched.

Tip 2: Create Bonding Rituals Find daily practices that are meaningful to both you and your significant other. Start out with an easy task that you already do on a consistent basis, then work from there. In the morning, consider making the bed together then head to the kitchen to enjoy a conversation over breakfast. In the evening, instead of scrolling through emails and social media before falling sleep, discuss the things you were thankful for during the day or talk through goals you have for the next day. By implementing simple, yet significant habits, you will grow closer together in a variety of ways.

Tip 3: Add Surprise, Mystery and Adventure to Your Relationship Shift your mindset so that you don’t feel like couple-care is a duty or chore. Making time for your significant other is vitally important for the vibrancy of the relationship, but it doesn’t need to be mundane or boring. Replace the traditional “dinner and a movie” with an activity that adds adventure to date night. These date activities, or “doing dates” as we like to call them, can even be new experiences for the both of you. For example, surprise your partner with a date once a month, by only telling them when to be ready and what to wear. Leave the rest up to mystery.

Here’s to being the happiest couple you know!

Dana Lam and Marty Kupper are the owners of Fun Fantasy Ritual.  This article originally appeared in Arizona Foothills Magazine

Remember in the beginning of your relationship the butterflies you felt for your partner?  You couldn’t wait to see them or hear their voice.  You planned surprises and gave each other gifts.  Then as time passes and we get comfortable and in the chaos of our days, we forget to fill up our partners Love Bank Account.

There are two simple things you can do to either ignite or reignite the connection and passion in your relationship, or to keep it from waning in the first place.

1. Commit to planning at least one date a month with each other. Really put some thought and effort into this. Plan something that you know your partner will truly enjoy.  Many times we plan things we know we like, but place a bit of effort into really thinking about what lights your partner up.  A client of ours recently planned a surprise date for her husband to an indoor shooting range.  She absolutely hates guns so this is something she normally would not do.  The result was that she had a really great time doing something she had never done before and he was overjoyed that she planned something specifically for him.  Taking turns and planning dates for one another tells your partner that they are important to you and that you care.  It makes enormous deposits that fill up the “Love” bank account.
2. Surprise your partner – Surprise and mystery ignite passion. When was the last time you surprised your partner?  When is the last time they surprised you?  When you receive an invitation from your partner for a mystery date it stirs wonderful emotions inside.  The anticipation is exhilarating even if it’s just going out to dinner.  I recently received an invitation to be ready at 4:30 PM and to wear a black wig, green top, black leggings and boots.  All day long I was enthusiastic and curious as to what we were doing.  We ended up going to a Fat Tuesday Mardi Gras party at a restaurant.  An otherwise simple dinner turned into an adventure with a great twist and surprise.

We encourage couples to plan at least one date a month and be sure to make it a surprise to increase the mystery.  This one simple act can take your relationship to a new level of connection and commitment.

Go to www.FunFantasyRitual.com to get your FREE Inspiration Kit and date ideas to begin adding even more adventure and excitement to your relationship!

ITALIAN AGED CHEESE – INTRODUCTION TO AGED CHEESE- Learn to press, brine, age, & wax an Italian hard cheese

Due to limit space, this is a pre paid event, no tickets will be sold at the door

Refund policy: Minimum 7 days prior to event for class refund, eventbrite fees are not refundable

Are you wondering how most cheeses are DEVELOPED, BRINED, AGED & WAXED? Or even how the Cheese Curds are pressed into a Wheel? This class will teach you cheese making techniques on these subjects.

Some say that soft cheeses are easy and hard cheeses are hard, but in this class we will learn that that’s not necessarily so! We will be making an Italian hard cheese. This cheese is still fairly easy to make, but may require a little more specialized ingredients and equipment and also needs to age for a while, so you will be taking your cheese home to age therefor you’ll have to wait to taste your results.

We will start by making a delicious Italian hard cheese that uses simple ingredients and only needs to age for 3 weeks! Then we will have a 30 minute demo & learning time on how to age, brine and wax a cheese wheel and find out how to make a cheese press for free!

You will leave the class with your own small wheel to press, brine, and age at home. You will also leave with a copy of the recipe of the cheese we made and the knowledge to make your own cheese at home. Food & drinks are available for purchase at this venue. class is held up stairs, no elevator access.

Venue: Winery 101, 9299 W. Olive Ave, Peoria, Thursday , March 26, 2020 6:00-8:00 pm

Making the Cheese contact info: Kathy 480-271-4979

This is NOT a BYOB event. Drinks, food and gratuity are NOT included in the ticket price. Drinks and food are to be purchased directly from venue. Making the Cheese events are for Adults 21 and over and will contain adult drinking and language.

It isn’t universally known that there are different ways to love someone and that every person may give and receive it differently. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, the author of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, each person has a primary love language that reaches deeper than all the others.

The 5 distinct languages are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Physical Touch and Receiving Gifts. Understanding the way you give and receive love to and from your partner can significantly strengthen your connection and romance.

First and foremost, it’s important to fully understand your own love style and the manner in which you desire to have your own love bank account filled whether emotionally, mentally or physically.

The second step is then being able to share your love language with your partner after they have identified their love language too. This is where it really gets interesting in the dynamics of relationship.

All of us exhibit varying degrees of each of the five love languages in relationship but have a primary and secondary love language that fills up our emotional bank account. We are usually very good at demonstrating our own love language.

For example, my love language is Words of Affirmation, so I’m usually good at writing love notes, sending text messages or verbally sharing how much someone means to me. My partner’s primary love language is acts of service. He is always doing things for me like getting me coffee in the morning or calling me on his way home to see if I need anything. While I love the things he does for me and he appreciates my generous words of how amazing he is, we both long for love to be expressed to us in our primary Love Language.

Love languages can be applied to all relationships including friends, family and work colleagues. With this awareness, you can pay attention to how other family members or colleagues show up and their primary love language will become apparent. This in turn provides invaluable information in how to communicate more effectively in our personal and professional relationships.

The 5 Love Languages

Here’re the 5 love languages explained.

Words of Affirmation

For someone with this style of love, words mean more than any action could. Expressing feelings through compliments and appreciation is the key to their heart.

Words like “I am thankful that…” and “I love how you…” will go a long way. Positive and loving thoughts will help this individual feel fulfilled.

While these words might not come naturally to some, being conscious of statements and practicing small affirmations will lead you in the right direction. Written words of love and gratitude are also appreciated.

Acts of Service

Doing something for your significant other, like taking out the garbage, cooking dinner, bringing you coffee in the morning or completing a task on their to-do list will satisfy this type of lover.

Acting out of love rather than obligation will show them they are valued. Helping your significant other throughout a project, or starting and finishing it on your own without asking for acknowledgement are examples of this style. Finding unique services or taking care of things your partner does not enjoy can speak volumes.

This type of person really shows their love and appreciation through thoughtful actions.

It isn’t universally known that there are different ways to love someone and that every person may give and receive it differently. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, the author of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, each person has a primary love language that reaches deeper than all the others.

The 5 distinct languages are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Physical Touch and Receiving Gifts. Understanding the way you give and receive love to and from your partner can significantly strengthen your connection and romance.

First and foremost, it’s important to fully understand your own love style and the manner in which you desire to have your own love bank account filled whether emotionally, mentally or physically.

The second step is then being able to share your love language with your partner after they have identified their love language too. This is where it really gets interesting in the dynamics of relationship.

All of us exhibit varying degrees of each of the five love languages in relationship but have a primary and secondary love language that fills up our emotional bank account. We are usually very good at demonstrating our own love language.

For example, my love language is Words of Affirmation, so I’m usually good at writing love notes, sending text messages or verbally sharing how much someone means to me. My partner’s primary love language is acts of service. He is always doing things for me like getting me coffee in the morning or calling me on his way home to see if I need anything. While I love the things he does for me and he appreciates my generous words of how amazing he is, we both long for love to be expressed to us in our primary Love Language.

Love languages can be applied to all relationships including friends, family and work colleagues. With this awareness, you can pay attention to how other family members or colleagues show up and their primary love language will become apparent. This in turn provides invaluable information in how to communicate more effectively in our personal and professional relations

It isn’t universally known that there are different ways to love someone and that every person may give and receive it differently. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, the author of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, each person has a primary love language that reaches deeper than all the others.

The 5 distinct languages are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Physical Touch and Receiving Gifts. Understanding the way you give and receive love to and from your partner can significantly strengthen your connection and romance.

First and foremost, it’s important to fully understand your own love style and the manner in which you desire to have your own love bank account filled whether emotionally, mentally or physically.

The second step is then being able to share your love language with your partner after they have identified their love language too. This is where it really gets interesting in the dynamics of relationship.

All of us exhibit varying degrees of each of the five love languages in relationship but have a primary and secondary love language that fills up our emotional bank account. We are usually very good at demonstrating our own love language.

For example, my love language is Words of Affirmation, so I’m usually good at writing love notes, sending text messages or verbally sharing how much someone means to me. My partner’s primary love language is acts of service. He is always doing things for me like getting me coffee in the morning or calling me on his way home to see if I need anything. While I love the things he does for me and he appreciates my generous words of how amazing he is, we both long for love to be expressed to us in our primary Love Language.

Love languages can be applied to all relationships including friends, family and work colleagues. With this awareness, you can pay attention to how other family members or colleagues show up and their primary love language will become apparent. This in turn provides invaluable information in how to communicate more effectively in our personal and professional relationships.

It isn’t universally known that there are different ways to love someone and that every person may give and receive it differently. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, the author of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, each person has a primary love language that reaches deeper than all the others.

The 5 distinct languages are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Physical Touch and Receiving Gifts. Understanding the way you give and receive love to and from your partner can significantly strengthen your connection and romance.

First and foremost, it’s important to fully understand your own love style and the manner in which you desire to have your own love bank account filled whether emotionally, mentally or physically.

The second step is then being able to share your love language with your partner after they have identified their love language too. This is where it really gets interesting in the dynamics of relationship.

All of us exhibit varying degrees of each of the five love languages in relationship but have a primary and secondary love language that fills up our emotional bank account. We are usually very good at demonstrating our own love language.

For example, my love language is Words of Affirmation, so I’m usually good at writing love notes, sending text messages or verbally sharing how much someone means to me. My partner’s primary love language is acts of service. He is always doing things for me like getting me coffee in the morning or calling me on his way home to see if I need anything. While I love the things he does for me and he appreciates my generous words of how amazing he is, we both long for love to be expressed to us in our primary Love Language.

Love languages can be applied to all relationships including friends, family and work colleagues. With this awareness, you can pay attention to how other family members or colleagues show up and their primary love language will become apparent. This in turn provides invaluable information in how to communicate more effectively in our personal and professional relationships.

The 5 Love Languages

Here’re the 5 love languages explained.

Words of Affirmation

For someone with this style of love, words mean more than any action could. Expressing feelings through compliments and appreciation is the key to their heart.

Words like “I am thankful that…” and “I love how you…” will go a long way. Positive and loving thoughts will help this individual feel fulfilled.

While these words might not come naturally to some, being conscious of statements and practicing small affirmations will lead you in the right direction. Written words of love and gratitude are also appreciated.

Acts of Service

Doing something for your significant other, like taking out the garbage, cooking dinner, bringing you coffee in the morning or completing a task on their to-do list will satisfy this type of lover.

Acting out of love rather than obligation will show them they are valued. Helping your significant other throughout a project, or starting and finishing it on your own without asking for acknowledgement are examples of this style. Finding unique services or taking care of things your partner does not enjoy can speak volumes.

This type of person really shows their love and appreciation through thoughtful actions.

It isn’t universally known that there are different ways to love someone and that every person may give and receive it differently. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, the author of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, each person has a primary love language that reaches deeper than all the others. The 5 distinct languages are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Physical Touch and Receiving Gifts. Understanding the way you give and receive love to and from your partner can significantly strengthen your connection and romance. First and foremost, it’s important to fully understand your own love style and the manner in which you desire to have your own love bank account filled whether emotionally, mentally or physically. The second step is then being able to share your love language with your partner after they have identified their love language too. This is where it really gets interesting in the dynamics of relationship. All of us exhibit varying degrees of each of the five love languages in relationship but have a primary and secondary love language that fills up our emotional bank account. We are usually very good at demonstrating our own love language. For example, my love language is Words of Affirmation, so I’m usually good at writing love notes, sending text messages or verbally sharing how much someone means to me. My partner’s primary love language is acts of service. He is always doing things for me like getting me coffee in the morning or calling me on his way home to see if I need anything. While I love the things he does for me and he appreciates my generous words of how amazing he is, we both long for love to be expressed to us in our primary Love Language.

Love languages can be applied to all relationships including friends, family and work colleagues. With this awareness, you can pay attention to how other family members or colleagues show up and their primary love language will become apparent. This in turn provides invaluable information in how to communicate more effectively in our personal and professional relationships.

Empty black cast-iron frying pan with a wooden handle on a brown surface

We’ve had many requests to make make dinner together.  On Thursday, July 16, at 5:00 PM AZ (MST) we are making a cast iron skillet dinner – Chicken Provolone with Homemade Pasta Sauce.  Grab your cast iron skillet and join in for this delicious class.

Register in advance on ZOOM in order to sign in on the day of the class.

Topic:  Easy Entrees
Chicken Provolone with Homemade Pasta Sauce
Time:  Thursday, July 16, at 05:00 PM Arizona Register here:

https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZ0tcOuuqT8jGtMpKkaDrGtQw_6ULlcxlN55

Like me, I’m sure you’re familiar with the saying, Stop and Smell the Roses, that’s actually attributed to pro golfing legend Walter Hagen in his 1956 book, The Walter Hagen Story.

His actual verbiage is, “You’re only here for a short visit. Don’t hurry, don’t worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way. ”

Few days pass for any of us when we’re not reminded either personally or through the news of just how short our visit (life) actually is for any of us.

We instinctively know the importance of “making time” for ourselves to not only recharge and rejuvenate, but in slowing down from the frenetic pace our culture has become so accustomed. Although we desire to make the time, we simply get caught up in the “doing” of activities instead of simply throttling down and just “being” in the moment.

By not taking this time for ourselves, we become more stressed, more agitated, more angry, more detached, more dissatisfied, and ultimately more unhappy.

When you find yourself on the out of control roller coaster of life and feeling any of these emotional warning signs, take a moment to review these 3 Steps…

1. Hit the “pause” button and take 3 deep breaths. Take a moment to actually center yourself and become fully aware of your state of being. See how the anxiousness of the past or some perceived future is spinning and spiraling your world out of control. Get present, close your eyes, center yourself, and take 3 deep breaths to recalibrate and re-center yourself.
2. Make yourself a priority. Flight attendants remind us that in the event of an emergency an oxygen mask will drop from the ceiling. We are told to place ours on first before attempting to help anyone else. This is a great reminder that we’re never good for anyone else if we’re not good for ourselves first.
3. Create a gratitude habit. Find a daily routine that encourages you to slow down and see the forest through the trees. The goal is to get present in any given moment whether you’re at home, work, or running daily errands. Here are a few that I enjoy doing that I suggest you try too: (1) Write a note of gratitude for your spouse, partner, family member, friend or colleague letting them know how much they mean to you or for something they did to make you feel loved or appreciated, (2) Pay it forward in the drive-through by purchasing a beverage for the person in the car behind you, (3) Take 5-10 minutes in the morning for a walking meditation outdoors (great in rain or shine) and/or for quiet contemplation that has you recognize your amazing greatness and unique gifts you possess to bring to the world.

Each of us has 86,400 seconds every day in which to “choose” how we’re going to show up. Be cognizant and aware that you have the power to disengage the autopilot and take back control of how life unfolds. Make the choice to own your clock and calendar to schedule time daily to smell the sweet flowers that are all around us.